Yarbonkhug is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, bad-tempered cat.

Yarbonkhug created the universe eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarbonkhug, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Yarbonkhug, she will curse you with boils.

Yarbonkhug's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Yarbonkhug's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place in turquoise.

3. Never talk about nematodes.

4. Yarbonkhug loves monkeys, so they must be honoured.

5. You must pray to Yarbonkhug eight times a day.