Nelxenbess is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, self-confident manatee.

Nelxenbess created the Black Eye Galaxy six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nelxenbess, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Nelxenbess, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Nelxenbess' most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Nelxenbess' Holy Commandments

1. Never wear indigo jumpers.

2. Sheep are not to be trusted.

3. Retreat if seven geese approach from the west.

4. Learn eight new languages a year.

5. Run away from mauve squirrels, for they are unholy.