Gutquartbonkfem is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, merciless rhinoceros.

Gutquartbonkfem created the Whirlpool Galaxy six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gutquartbonkfem, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Gutquartbonkfem, she will be mildly annoyed.

Gutquartbonkfem's most sacred site is Syndendro in Greece.

Gutquartbonkfem's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if seven horses approach from the west.

2. Never carve symbols of stars into wood.

3. Always help doves in need.

4. Always count to five before sleeping.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Gutquartbonkfem.