Bogcambad is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, dishonest narwhal.

Bogcambad created humanity four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bogcambad, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Bogcambad, he will turn you into a puffin.

Bogcambad's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Bogcambad's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from fawn bats, for they are unholy.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bogcambad.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Always make sure there are no seals in a building before entering it.