Ontjinapp Bidgovrut is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, weak naga.

Ontjinapp Bidgovrut created a top quark four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontjinapp Bidgovrut, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Ontjinapp Bidgovrut, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Ontjinapp Bidgovrut's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Ontjinapp Bidgovrut's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Do not drink water in blue rooms.

3. Never talk about chlorophyll.

4. Do not fashion sacred items from bone.

5. Do not take Ontjinapp Bidgovrut's name in vain.