Tapdogbaf is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, smart goblin.

Tapdogbaf created life four million years ago.

If you believe in Tapdogbaf, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Tapdogbaf, he will turn you into a rock.

Tapdogbaf's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Tapdogbaf's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry whales.

2. Never adorn your feet with brown markings.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate shrews.

4. Do not keep five rats in a large pit.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.