Tifflowfed is a god.

It takes the form of a large, awesome finch.

Tifflowfed created carbon five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tifflowfed, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Tifflowfed, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Tifflowfed's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Tifflowfed's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Tifflowfed loves mites, so they must be honoured.

3. Learn three new languages a year.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Do not study chlorophyll on holy days.