Futcambat is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, unjust gnu.

Futcambat created water eight million years ago.

If you believe in Futcambat, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Futcambat, he will throw large rocks at you.

Futcambat's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Futcambat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Do not wear shirts marked with mauve.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Never speak of balance in the presence of children.

5. Never laugh near seals.