Kempodtaf is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, caring manatee.

Kempodtaf created vertebrates nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Kempodtaf, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Kempodtaf, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Kempodtaf's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Kempodtaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention mice.

2. Never think about deoxyribonucleic acid.

3. Do not shave your feet.

4. Do not laugh in public.

5. Never paint your face black.