Wikhom is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, witless shark.

Wikhom created gold four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Wikhom, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Wikhom, he will torture you forever.

Wikhom's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Wikhom's Holy Commandments

1. Learn eight new languages a year.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate gulls.

4. Run away if seven seals approach from the south.

5. Never go into cyan rooms.