Omtraksaf is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, benevolent squid.

Omtraksaf created dark energy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Omtraksaf, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Omtraksaf, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Omtraksaf's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Omtraksaf's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate dolphins.

2. Retreat if six shrews approach from the west.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Worship no other gods but Omtraksaf.

5. Never travel toward the south during spring.