Zimnuttjop Rulrutten is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, grumpy unicorn.

Zimnuttjop Rulrutten created viruses nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zimnuttjop Rulrutten, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Zimnuttjop Rulrutten, he will not care at all.

Zimnuttjop Rulrutten's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Zimnuttjop Rulrutten's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your neck.

2. Never wear tights.

3. Always remove shirts before touching nickel.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.