Loptadlak is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, amazing octopus.

Loptadlak created the Small Magellanic Cloud four billion years ago.

If you believe in Loptadlak, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Loptadlak, she will curse you with boils.

Loptadlak's most sacred site is Demsin in Germany.

Loptadlak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat beans.

2. Never run near snakes.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate gulls.

5. Fast once a month.