Jatgadpid is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, irritating guinea pig.

Jatgadpid created dark energy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Jatgadpid, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Jatgadpid, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Jatgadpid's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Jatgadpid's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lemons to foxes while wearing hats.

2. Always look after injured great tits.

3. Do not skip in public.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of iron.

5. Never eat bark.