Fosspanbid is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, vain aardvark.

Fosspanbid created the Whirlpool Galaxy four billion years ago.

If you believe in Fosspanbid, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Fosspanbid, it will torture you forever.

Fosspanbid's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Fosspanbid's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Worship no other gods but Fosspanbid.

3. Never prepare peanuts during autumn.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Always remove corsets before touching lead.