Soggamjonpanbesttad is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, omniscient jaguar.

Soggamjonpanbesttad created gold four million years ago.

If you believe in Soggamjonpanbesttad, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Soggamjonpanbesttad, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Soggamjonpanbesttad's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Soggamjonpanbesttad's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry goats.

2. Never curse while facing east.

3. Rats are not to be trusted.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. You must pray to Soggamjonpanbesttad seven times a day.