Konvilfod is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, generous cow.

Konvilfod created an atom three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Konvilfod, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Konvilfod, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Konvilfod's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Konvilfod's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Always help eagles.

3. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Never point your neck toward the east during prayer.

5. Bats are unholy and should not be approached.