Vabfonpom is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, dishonourable hydra.

Vabfonpom created the world seven million years ago.

If you believe in Vabfonpom, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Vabfonpom, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Vabfonpom's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Vabfonpom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not contemplate thermodynamics during the night.

2. Do not consume oranges at dawn.

3. Always look after injured rats.

4. Do not speak about bananas.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.