Zakdotwon Labpidtom is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, cheerful clam.

Zakdotwon Labpidtom created a top quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zakdotwon Labpidtom, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Zakdotwon Labpidtom, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Zakdotwon Labpidtom's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Zakdotwon Labpidtom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Zakdotwon Labpidtom's name in vain.

2. Never talk about snails.

3. Do not gather at towers at midnight.

4. Do not place coconuts upon stone.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate goats.