Hasmillak is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, humorless shark.

Hasmillak created a top quark four years ago.

If you believe in Hasmillak, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Hasmillak, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Hasmillak's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Hasmillak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not count beyond seven during ceremonies.

2. Do not consume bananas at dawn.

3. Pray towards the south.

4. Never eat pineapples.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Hasmillak.