Cuddinbeg is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, charitable snail.

Cuddinbeg created humankind twelve years ago.

If you believe in Cuddinbeg, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Cuddinbeg, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Cuddinbeg's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Cuddinbeg's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear fawn skirts.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Do not fashion sacred items from wood.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.