Wanjangeb is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, weak tortoise.

Wanjangeb created the Whirlpool Galaxy eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Wanjangeb, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Wanjangeb, he will jump up and down on your head.

Wanjangeb's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Wanjangeb's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat beans.

2. Never mention monkeys.

3. Do not fashion sacred items from stone.

4. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place in gray.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.