Hapgupdab is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, unjust turtle.

Hapgupdab created vertebrates five billion years ago.

If you believe in Hapgupdab, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Hapgupdab, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Hapgupdab's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Hapgupdab's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about dark matter.

2. Do not gather at doors at midday.

3. Do not fashion sacred items from ash.

4. Hide if four mites approach from the north.

5. Always remove stockings before entering holy places.