Gutjanjipsad is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, dishonest badger.

Gutjanjipsad created water seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gutjanjipsad, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Gutjanjipsad, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Gutjanjipsad's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Gutjanjipsad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Gutjanjipsad.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Never wear ear rings.

5. Always cleanse oil with water.