Pintarlap Biffetlig is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, grumpy centipede.

Pintarlap Biffetlig created carbon seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pintarlap Biffetlig, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Pintarlap Biffetlig, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Pintarlap Biffetlig's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Pintarlap Biffetlig's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate ants.

2. Never adorn your hands with gray markings.

3. Never feed aubergines to otters while wearing ear rings.

4. Always help sharks in need.

5. Always stare at clouds.