Wapnelquimwikmid is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, all-powerful whale.

Wapnelquimwikmid created dark energy eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Wapnelquimwikmid, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Wapnelquimwikmid, she will try to impress you with rainbows.

Wapnelquimwikmid's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Wapnelquimwikmid's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed apples to whales while wearing skirts.

2. Never think about ultrasonics near bats while wearing orange jumpers and balancing nine carbon spheres on your arms.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Do not keep four foxes in a large pit.

5. Do not place beans upon stone.