Bass is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, slow raven.

Bass created tapeworms seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bass, it will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Bass, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Bass' most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Bass' Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never discuss ribonucleic acid in public assemblies.

4. Hide from white ducks for they are unholy.

5. Never allow swans to sleep beneath your roof.