Bonkcapcar is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, narcissistic dolphin.

Bonkcapcar created viruses seven million years ago.

If you believe in Bonkcapcar, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Bonkcapcar, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Bonkcapcar's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Bonkcapcar's Holy Commandments

1. Never jump in holy places.

2. Never feed parsnips to sheep while wearing pink boots.

3. Always share bananas with strangers, but never with great tits.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Hide from turquoise grasshopers for they are unholy.