Tonhomjap is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, dishonest swan.

Tonhomjap created dark matter seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonhomjap, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Tonhomjap, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Tonhomjap's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Tonhomjap's Holy Commandments

1. Tonhomjap loves frogs, so they must be honoured.

2. Never write about planets.

3. Do not step barefoot upon yellow earth.

4. Never eat grapes.

5. Do not speak sacred words in autumn.