Badponvab is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, bad-tempered seal.

Badponvab created viruses two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Badponvab, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Badponvab, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Badponvab's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Badponvab's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about planets.

2. Retreat if nine sharks approach from the south.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Do not take Badponvab's name in vain.

5. Never think about quantum field theory near porpoises while wearing fawn jumpers and balancing seven gold spheres on your legs.