Faszenyartsisvintarpcussjap is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, all-powerful armadillo.

Faszenyartsisvintarpcussjap created bats seven million years ago.

If you believe in Faszenyartsisvintarpcussjap, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Faszenyartsisvintarpcussjap, he will turn you into a mouse.

Faszenyartsisvintarpcussjap's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Faszenyartsisvintarpcussjap's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum gravity near ants while wearing green shoes.

2. Bats are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Heed all dreams.

5. Never write about the weak nuclear force.