Zagstafgab is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, omnipotent hippopotamus.

Zagstafgab created a strange quark four years ago.

If you believe in Zagstafgab, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Zagstafgab, it will attempt to scare you with floods.

Zagstafgab's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Zagstafgab's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat beans on holy days.

2. Erect a large carbon sculpture of Zagstafgab on top of all buildings.

3. Never gather six sheep near towers.

4. Put Zagstafgab first in all things.

5. Hide if nine cats approach from the west.