Nurthengepjaddod is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, unfair newt.

Nurthengepjaddod created the planet Mars three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurthengepjaddod, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Nurthengepjaddod, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Nurthengepjaddod's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Nurthengepjaddod's Holy Commandments

1. Never tolerate songs in holy places.

2. Erect a large silver sculpture of Nurthengepjaddod on top of all buildings.

3. Never remain prostrate at midnight.

4. Never talk about chromosomes.

5. Always remove shoes before touching platinum.