Vonk is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, two-faced meerkat.

Vonk created humankind nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Vonk, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Vonk, it will attempt to scare you with floods.

Vonk's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Vonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never allow dogs to sleep beneath your roof.

2. Vonk loves sharks, so they must be honoured.

3. Do not drink water in yellow rooms.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Do not chop down trees.