Japcubomin Pibbutdav Dutmobbed is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, pitiless cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Japcubomin Pibbutdav Dutmobbed created Asia three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Japcubomin Pibbutdav Dutmobbed, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Japcubomin Pibbutdav Dutmobbed, he will boil you in a big pot.

Japcubomin Pibbutdav Dutmobbed's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Japcubomin Pibbutdav Dutmobbed's Holy Commandments

1. Do not name children after turtles.

2. Never fashion tools from stone.

3. Bats are not to be trusted.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Put Japcubomin Pibbutdav Dutmobbed first in all things.