Kimgesszakstaf is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, almighty parrot.

Kimgesszakstaf created a quark three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kimgesszakstaf, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Kimgesszakstaf, it will come to you in dreams.

Kimgesszakstaf's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Kimgesszakstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your chest brown.

2. Never think about the weak nuclear force near badgers while wearing mauve scarves and balancing six titanium spheres on your neck.

3. You must love Kimgesszakstaf.

4. Always wear orange.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.