Shavnarquag is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, narcissistic clam.

Shavnarquag created life six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Shavnarquag, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Shavnarquag, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Shavnarquag's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Shavnarquag's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse your hands after touching titanium.

2. Feed all hungry grasshopers.

3. Always help porpoises in need.

4. Never talk about capybaras.

5. Shavnarquag must be the most important thing in your life.