Japlapwat is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, bad-tempered beaver.

Japlapwat created Asia nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Japlapwat, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Japlapwat, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Japlapwat's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Japlapwat's Holy Commandments

1. Never point your back toward the west during prayer.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Run away from mauve swans, for they are unholy.

4. Always face the east before speaking sacred words.

5. Always stare at clouds.