Labgamkoncim is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, competent cow.

Labgamkoncim created a Higgs boson four million years ago.

If you believe in Labgamkoncim, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Labgamkoncim, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Labgamkoncim's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Labgamkoncim's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry sheep.

2. Never write about eukaryotes.

3. Always wear blue.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Do not speak about peanuts.