Tarpflaming is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, egotistical toad.

Tarpflaming created snails three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tarpflaming, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tarpflaming, she will try to impress you with trees.

Tarpflaming's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Tarpflaming's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about deoxyribonucleic acid.

2. You must pray to Tarpflaming nine times a day.

3. Never think about quantum mechanics near manatees while wearing violet coats and balancing eight titanium spheres on your back.

4. Never record names.

5. Always make sure there are no snails in a room before entering it.