Yimlipsom Barnmetquim is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, deceitful hamster.

Yimlipsom Barnmetquim created the Large Magellanic Cloud eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Yimlipsom Barnmetquim, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Yimlipsom Barnmetquim, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Yimlipsom Barnmetquim's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Yimlipsom Barnmetquim's Holy Commandments

1. Always maintain obedience during fasting days.

2. Always act with purity when addressing children.

3. Never remain prostrate at dusk.

4. Never talk about dark energy.

5. Do not sing at rivers.