Pantarlam is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, witless bear.

Pantarlam created energy seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Pantarlam, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Pantarlam, he will turn you into a mole.

Pantarlam's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Pantarlam's Holy Commandments

1. Always keep your back turned to the south at sunset.

2. Never hurt rats.

3. Never leap in the presence of elders.

4. Never look at planets.

5. Always take life seriously.