Japcathotlap is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, vain human.

Japcathotlap created the planet Earth two billion years ago.

If you believe in Japcathotlap, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Japcathotlap, it will turn you into a duck.

Japcathotlap's most sacred site is Manna in Greece.

Japcathotlap's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum field theory near rats while wearing blue boots and balancing seven silver spheres on your neck.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Never feed garlic to grasshopers while wearing kilts.

4. Do not speak of the weak nuclear force near sacred fires.

5. Never fashion tools from bone.