Tofyarnib is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, humorless squirrel.

Tofyarnib created silver nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tofyarnib, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Tofyarnib, she will turn you into a rock.

Tofyarnib's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Tofyarnib's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry porpoises.

2. Never write about enzymes.

3. Tofyarnib loves seals, so they must be respected.

4. Never mark doors with green.

5. Never handle gold while unclean.