Witfatnaksit is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, clever walrus.

Witfatnaksit created carbon seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Witfatnaksit, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Witfatnaksit, she will cry a lot.

Witfatnaksit's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Witfatnaksit's Holy Commandments

1. Never jump in spring.

2. Never eat strawberries on holy days.

3. Never speak the names of black holes aloud.

4. Never feed cherries to sharks while wearing red corsets.

5. Do not eat limes.