Hapbuming is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, unthinking manatee.

Hapbuming created Africa seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hapbuming, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Hapbuming, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Hapbuming's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Hapbuming's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your back.

2. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

3. Pray only in moonlight.

4. Do not drink water in green rooms.

5. Shun those given to cruelty.