Funcabgem is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, egotistical owl.

Funcabgem created silver four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Funcabgem, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Funcabgem, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Funcabgem's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Funcabgem's Holy Commandments

1. Never touch water while clean.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Never wear purple corsets on sacred days.

4. Never think about quantum field theory near sharks while wearing turquoise skirts and balancing three copper spheres on your head.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.