Hotarntun is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, stupid donkey.

Hotarntun created a bottom quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Hotarntun, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Hotarntun, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Hotarntun's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Hotarntun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Never jump in the presence of elders.

3. Always help sick moths.

4. Always keep your back turned to the south at sunset.

5. Do not speak about lentils.