Nillmumpon is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, fussy cow.

Nillmumpon created Europe three million years ago.

If you believe in Nillmumpon, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Nillmumpon, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Nillmumpon's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Nillmumpon's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the east.

2. Always wear plain coats during rituals.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate seals.

4. Do not speak sacred words in autumn.

5. Do not trade with those who eat oranges.