Fumtarp is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, sapient donkey.

Fumtarp created a quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fumtarp, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Fumtarp, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Fumtarp's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Fumtarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never gather six cats near towers.

2. Always face the south before speaking sacred words.

3. Do not utter prayers while touching platinum.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.